by Benny

I had a bilateral mastectomy with nipple grafts on February 28th, 2006.

2/04/04

Even though I had been researching surgery since the age of twelve, I finally began the process by emailing a surgeon, Dr. Michael L. Brownstein, in San Francisco.

3/17/05

At this time, I found myself able to more seriously think about having surgery, as I now had a job and health insurance. I did extensive research online and on transster, by looking for people with similiar body types to mine who had already undergone surgery. I needed to go to a surgeon close to my family as they wished to take care of me post-op, therefore my choices were Rhode Island and San Francisco. This made Dr. Brownstein a possible candidate, and as I had already determined that I liked his work, I decided to go with him. I returned Dr. Brownstein's form, along with pictures of my chest.

7/21/05

Sent in a $250 deposit and a copy of my letters from my therapist.

8/23/05

Set my surgery date for Feb. 28th, 2006. Joined a gym and began working out.

8/26/05

Started low-dose testosterone (50 mg/week).

1/31/06

Purchased my airline tickets to San Francisco.

2/26/06

I flew into Oakland and my sister and parents picked me up from the airport. We went out to lunch and to the grocery store and just hung out for the rest of the afternoon.

2/27/06

I had a presurgical appointment with Dr. Brownstein at 11am in the afternoon. He, and his office, turned out to be pretty much what I expected from the stories I had heard about him. His office manager, Mary, gave me some info to read over. Then he talked with me for a little while and wrote me a script for percocet. He took a quick look at my chest, said, "good, good", and I was on my way.

2/28/06

I didn't eat anything after midnight. I got up around seven, took a shower--making sure to clean myself really well with antibacterial soap.

We arrived at the Heath South Center a little before 9am. I signed in and sat down. Shortly thereafter they called my name and had me sign some forms. They asked for the payment then for the center and anesthesia. I sat down again. Then a nurse came and called my name and took me to a room to change. He asked me if I were still getting my period and a few other questions and then showed me what I had to change into and left me alone. I took everything off but my underwear, as instructed, and put on the stockings, booties, and gown. I put my clothes in the basket he had given me along with a cap that I did not have to wear yet. The nurse came back and took me and my basket of clothes to a hospital bed and had me get into it. It was in a secluded recovery/presurgery area. The nurse put an IV in my hand. My family came in to see me. Then Dr. Brownstein came in to mark my chest and they left. He asked me if I had any questions, and I said no. Then he told me he'd take good care of me and I thanked him. My family came back in. A different nurse came in and told me that she was going to inject a "cocktail" into my IV to calm me. I didn't really feel any different. She put the cap on my head and wheeled me away into the OR room. The OR room was cold. They had me scoot over onto the OR table. It was very narrow, I nearly hung off the sides of it. They took my arm and pulled them out, off the table and strapped them down. The light was bright, and I remember thinking that I didn't like that place very much and that I hoped I would pass out soon. And I did.

When I awoke I was back in the recovery area, propped up in bed. It was dim because the curtain was closed around me. The nurse came in and asked me something. I just said "pain". She came back with some crackers. After I had eaten them she gave me two percocet and some water. My family came in. They helped me put on some sweat pants and a button-up shirt. Then I was moved to a reclining chair. I suddenly felt nauseated. The nurse gave me a bucket and I threw up a few times.

They had me get into a wheelchair. The nurse commended me on my "strong legs". They wheeled me into the parking garage and my sister came around with the car to pick me up. I got into the frontseat. I was able to buckle my own seatbelt, but they closed the door for me. The way home I was pretty awake and aware---not at all groggy like I expected to be.

When we got back to my sister's apartment, I sat in a stuffed chair and just stayed there. I called some people who I knew were worried about me. I tried to eat some yogurt but I threw it up. For the next six hours I sat and went in and out of sleep. Getting up every once in awhile to throw up. As soon as I would puke I would feel better, but still I wasn't able to eat anything. My sister emptied my drains for me at 8pm. One ounce on the right and three-fourths of an ounce on the left. My mom slept in the room with me that night. I set the alarm on my phone so that I would wake up in time to take my pain meds empty my drains at midnight. Only half an ounce on each side this time.

3/01/06

I had somehow mananged to sleep ok, flat on my back all night. I got up around 8am, emptied my drains (both just a half ounce again), and started with the puking once more. Mary, from Dr. Brownstein's office called and my mother told her I was still puking. She told us to call Dr. Brownstein on his cell phone. He called in a new script for pain and nausea. My sister left work and picked it up for me. I took the new meds and finally felt able to eat, and damn, I was hungry!

3/02/06

I was still taking the meds as instructed on their labels. My parents were obviously bored by just sitting around in apartment with me. I felt bad that I wasn't more able to do things--but I knew that I shouldn't feel that way because they were here because of me. I tried to go out to lunch with them, but soon after we arrived at the restaurant I started to feel dizzy, so we got it to go.

3/03/06

I had my first pre-op visit with Dr. Brownstein at 10:15am. I told him that the drugs were making me dizzy and unable to focus my eyes. He told me that I didn't need to be taking them that often, that I should just take them as needed for pain. I took off my shirt and laid down on the table. He opened my binder, pulled back the padding and looked at my incisions and nippple grafts. He told me that everything looked good but that the drains weren't ready to come out yet. I was afraid to look at my chest, so I didn't. He bundled me back up and emptied my drains for me. I put my shirt back on and left.

I didn't take the pain or nausea meds when I supposed to next. I waited to see what the pain would be like. The pain was surprisingly minimal. I felt more uncomfortable than anything. I also realized that my binder felt tighter after I had eaten a lot, so I tried to eat smaller meals from then on out.

3/04/06

We picked my girlfriend up from the airport. It was so nice to see her. It was her birthday and I gave her the gifts I'd made for her and she loved them.

Now that I wasn't on drugs anymore, I found that I could focus my eyes, I wasn't dizzy, and I was more into going out to eat and for short outings.

3/06/06

At 2:15pm I met with Dr. Brownstein again and he removed my drains. He reassured me that the grafts looked good. He told me that I would feel a lot more comfortable now that the drains were gone. He was right. It made a world of difference, and for the first time, I felt excited about my results. Though I still hadn't seen my chest.

3/07/06

At 1:30pm I had my last appointment with Dr. B. He removed my sutures and put tape over the incisions. This time I did look at my chest. He showed me how to care for my nipples. It was a weird angle to look at myself from, but I was relieved to see that there wasn't a lot of tissue left. I had been afraid that he would leave too much. He showed me how tight the binder should be. Now that I didn't have bulky padding inside my binder, I felt a lot flatter and more free. We went over the care sheet and he told me to let him know how I was doing. I thanked him and he said, "It was my pleasure." He gave me a bag with some gauze, tape, and polysporin and I left.

3/08/06

My girlfriend helped me take a bath for the first time since surgery. We also got to look at my chest, naked, in full, for the first time. We both agreed that it looked good.

Then we flew back to portland. I was home by 9pm.

3/12/06

My chest started feeling sore where as it hadn't in days. I took this as a good sign, thinking that maybe some of my sensation was returning.

3/13/06

My chest was sore again, but I definitely noticed an increase in sensation as well.

3/14/06

I removed the tape from my incisions. I was amazed by how fast my body was healing. It was time for me to stop using the binder too, but I wore it for an additional couple of days because my skin felt weird when I moved without it. It's hard to explain.

3/19/06

I stopped using the gauze on my nipples because the tape was really irritating my skin and I was only supposed to use it for a few more days anyhow.

3/28/06

At this point I was supposedly able to lift more than 25 lbs--but I was still taking it easy.

4/03/06

I feel that my healing is coming along quite well. I have almost all of my range of motion back. I can lift but I haven't yet resumed working out. The swelling in my chest has gone down. My nipples are completely healed. I spend lots of time admiring my chest. I have noticed that my chest hair (still not visible in photos) is coming in quite nicely. I will eventually have quite the hairy chest--which will cover my scars. I go back to work in a week.

6/20/06

It has now been almost 4 months since my surgery. I've been back to work for awhile and it doesn't hurt to lift or reach--though sometimes I do get an uncomfortable "pulling" feeling. I have been working out regularly again for the past three weeks and I only rarely feel unexpected soreness. There are still areas of numbness. I think most of the swelling is gone, and based upon that I think I may need a revision in the future because I do have "dog ears" under my arms.

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